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Overcoming Insecurity in Relationships — Talkspace

5 Tips for Overcoming Insecurity in Relationships

Learning how to get over insecurities in a relationship involves understanding the power of self-doubt. When you doubt yourself, it distorts your view of life, which ultimately can directly affect your relationships with others.

People tend to judge themselves harshly when they experience insecurity in relationships. They may hold themselves to unrealistic (or even unattainable) standards and question whether they’re even worthy of love. Left unmanaged, self-doubt can be dangerous for any relationship.

If you experience insecurity in your relationship and you want to learn how to proactively remove the internal obstacles that stand between you and happiness, consider the following steps to help overcome insecurity:

1. Stop saying you’re insecure

You have to retrain the way you think about yourself. Stop labeling yourself as an insecure person. Change the narrative of your life. Resist the urge to say or even think about the pitfalls in your life or the mistakes that you’ve made in the past. You’d be surprised how much you can change thought patterns simply by eliminating negative self-talk.

2. Question your doubts

Start analyzing your doubts as they occur so you can begin realizing they’re just manifestations of your fear and worry. They’re not your real opinions or beliefs. Think of them as false intruders. The only power your doubts have over you is whatever you allow them to have. Taking away the control that your negative thoughts have over you can empower you to rise above romantic relationship insecurity.

3. Stop overthinking

Don’t allow yourself to continually overthink negative thoughts or overact to negative behaviors. When you continue driving these thoughts and behaviors home, you can forget how powerful you are. Don’t give these negative emotions any strength. Doing so will only drain your energy and deepen your insecurities.

4. Seek therapy if you need it

Never be afraid to ask for professional help from a licensed talk therapist, either through in-person or online therapy. A professional counselor understands what you’re going through and can offer different techniques to help you improve your confidence, reduce negative thought patterns, and replace destructive behaviors. 

Therapy, especially couples counseling, can help you dig deep to discover the origin of your relationship insecurity and instruct you about processing hurtful emotions in a healthy manner.

5. Communicate

If you’re doubting your relationship, you can start to change things by first working on your communication skills with your partner and learning how to communicate in a relationship. Communication is integral to the success of any relationship, romantic or not. It’s OK if you feel vulnerable. This can actually strengthen your union in many cases. 

“One of the most important ways to overcome insecurities is to communicate them with partners. Recognize when certain situations or behaviors elicit a negative response. A therapist can help in identifying triggers and offer ways to cope with and overcome insecurities in the long term.”

Talkspace therapist Minkyung Chung, MS, LMHC

When it comes to how to stop fighting in a relationship, open communication will let your partner know what you’re going through, the emotions you experience, and how you feel in the relationship. While part of communication is effectively getting your point across, it’s more than just that. It’s about building trust and being able to give one another the compassion and support you both need and deserve. If you find that communication seems to constantly be a one-way street in your relationship, it could be a sign that you’re in a one-sided relationship. 

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