Parenting During the Holiday Season: 3 Tips from 3 Psychologists for Tackling Holiday Stress

Parenting is hard enough on a normal day but in most cases, children have the daily structure of school, extracurricular activities, and other scheduled events that help parents get through any given day. But the holidays, as much as we look forward to them, don’t often provide the structured scaffolding that children usually have. And in some ways, that’s the point of the holidays – to provide children (and adults) a break from routine and allow them to enjoy their time off.  

Yet holidays are filled with expectations for what we need to do, where we need to be and with whom we have to be during a specific time, especially as a family. Sometimes children feel overwhelmed during the holidays and for youth with anxiety, OCD, or other mental health disorders, feelings of stress, nervousness, and not having control can be exacerbated at these times. That in turn adds to the stress that parents and caregivers might already be experiencing at this time of year.

3 Psychologists

ADAA recently presented with our partner and institutional member Alvord Baker & Associates on how to alleviate holiday stress. In this brief webinar, three psychologists from Alvord Baker & Associates responded to our audience’s questions about how to make the holidays meaningful and fun while keeping stress and anxiety levels low.  

Colleen Cummings, PhD, Susan Wilson, PhD, and Nina Shiffrin Starin, PhD, say holidays don’t have to be stressful and while children might have to navigage certain expectations and social pressures during the break, there are also ways that parents can ensure the season remains relatively bright and merry.

3 Tips

Our audience posed some good questions during the Holiday Parenting Q&A: Coping with Stress and Anxiety and we compiled three important takeaways from the presenters. We hope these will help parents, and children alike, as we all take some time to close out the year and celebrate the holidays.

1.Be realistic – set reasonable expectations and appropriate boundaries

Nothing is ever perfect so don’t expect the holidays to be so. Things will definitely go pear-shaped at some point so make pear pie. In other words, don’t stress the small stuff and be willing to adapt. Communicate with your kids about what is expected of them and be open to incorporating their thoughts and ideas while still establishing boundaries about what is acceptable and what will not be tolerated. Rewards and/or consequences should be discussed and agreed upon beforehand. Be proactive rather than reactive and model the behavior we want to see in our children. If we are stressed, they are stressed.  

2. Set a schedule but be flexible – allow for downtime, mishaps & even a tantrum or two

The holidays are about togetherness but sometimes we need some time apart. When scheduling family visits, activities, celebrations and other holiday events, remember to give your kids (and yourselves) some breaks in between. Establish a schedule that you can share with not just your children but your family and friends so they know what to expect as well. A visual calendar is a good way to see and map out what you will be doing, when, why, where, for how long, and with whom. How long you will stay at one event or another or how many stops will you make while driving to see the grandparents for example. Be mindful that children need reminding, encouragement, and affirmation. And don’t forget to schedule time for exercise, sleep, meals, devices, and snacks.

3. Be kind to yourself – prioritize your own self-care as a parent or caregiver

They may seem like they last forever but the holidays go by quickly and soon enough you’re all back in your routines. But taking care of yourself during the holidays is important. Make sure you exercise, meditate, practice yoga, soak in a bath or do whatever it is you do for your own self-care, even at this time. Just as you care for your children, make sure you get plenty of sleep, stay hydrated, eat well (even though it can be hard with all the holiday treats) and check in with your support network. It’s ok to not be ok and it’s ok to let another adult, caregiver, friend or therapist know how you’re feeling, and ask for help.